Someday,you will never know this

I remember that exact moment that I felt something in me was very different. It wasn't the pain that I was constantly having from my ovarian cyst, it was something else. The pain was completely gone. After months of excruciating pain, it was gone. There was something else though, maybe a woman's intuition, but I knew there was something that I was completely unprepared for. Later that day, the test revealed that I was right and that you were coming whether I was ready or not. Never had I planned for you nor did I ever want children. Now came the hard part, would I not tell anyone but my boyfriend and abort you or would I explore my options. Finances told me option one. I felt I had no choice. Though, I waited to tell anyone except my boyfriend, and completely procrastinated on the termination. I went for months without telling a soul. Walking around in baggy sweatshirts and staying home from friends and family. Once that I came close to the deadline(22 weeks) for abortions in the state of New York(24 weeks), I knew it had to be done and right around my birthday,nonetheless. I went for it. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Three attempts to abort you and every time ended with me in complete hysterics. You were meant to come into this world and it is for a reason. You have made me grow into someone that I should have been years ago. I am maturing. Feeling you,in my stomach, is so surreal. Could I really take care of you? Every week that passes, I am more and more excited. How could this 1 pound 5 ounce being impact my life so greatly? You, my unborn, are something special. Someday, you will never know this. You will never know this story. I love you.